Barriers
by jareaujareau
Summary: When Clyde Easter offers her the opportunity of a lifetime, she wants to take it. But she's not the only one this affects, and he doesn't want to let her go without a fight.


"This is a once in a lifetime thing and you want me to blow it off." Emily wasn't quite sure if she was hearing him right. She had to say it back to him so that she could be absolutely sure that that's what he was saying.

Aaron looked down at his hands before glancing back up at the brunette in front of him. He had been planning what he was going to say to her since the night before, since he could sense that she was thinking about leaving. He could always read Emily better than anyone else, he could always tell when something was wrong. And when she talked to him the previous night at JJ's wedding, he knew exactly what she was thinking. He knew for a fact that she was thinking about leaving, about taking Clyde Easter's job offer. And as selfish as it was, he couldn't let her do that.

He didn't say anything, but Emily could read him almost as well as he could read her. She could tell that that was what he wanted her to do. He wanted her to stay. And she knew that everyone did. After coming back from her "death" a year ago, everyone had become even closer to her than she could've ever imagined possible. She knew that leaving again, this time by choice, would be extremely difficult for not only her, but for everyone else.

"Hotch, I can't...I can't stay here. I've been thinking about this since I got back." Emily let out a small sigh as she leaned against Hotch's desk. "I just can't grab on to my old life and pretend that nothing happened. It's not the same as it was before. And I was hoping that buying a house and putting down roots would help me fix this feeling that I've had. I was hoping that it would make me feel more at ease, more normal...But it hasn't."

As he listened to her, he tried to understand. He tried really hard to understand. But he couldn't quite understand. And as much as he hated to admit it, he would never understand. Between all that she went through with Ian Doyle and with having to fake her death and take on new identities in new places all alone, Emily had been through a whole lot in the past year and a half. And while he didn't quite understand the feelings that she had, he did understand why she would want to leave. He did understand why she would want to take Easter's offer and run the London Interpol office. She wanted a second chance, a chance to start over and not have to carry all the baggage that she was currently carrying. He understood that. But he still couldn't let her go.

"Emily, I'm sure you've thought about it a lot...but give it some more time. Maybe go through with getting the house, see if that makes it any better. Try to find another job, maybe not working at the BAU anymore will make it better, make it easier." This wasn't part of what he had planned to say, but he was at least hoping that he could get through to her. He was hoping that this could make some kind of sense, or that she would at least give what he was suggesting a try. He couldn't even bear to think about her being all the way in London, so far away. He couldn't possible imagine what he would do if he had to actually watch her go.

"It's possible that the BAU is the problem, that we're the problem."

Emily cut him off. "No, Hotch. You aren't the problem. It's not you guys. I love you...it's just everything all together." The brunette let out a sigh as she ran her hand through her hair.

Hotch watched her, taking a deep breath as he tried to come up with something else to say. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was selfish, but he was going to do absolutely everything in his power to get her not to go. "Don't go to London...At least not yet. Talk to Easter, see if there's a way that he could hold the offer for you for a few weeks. Try to make some changes here, see if they help you. Just don't go to London, Emily. At least not yet."

Emily couldn't believe how much he was fighting this. She knew that he was going to fight her on it when she told him she was considering taking Easter's offer, but she had no idea it was going to be this bad. She had assumed that he would just try to talk her out of it and then give up when she gave him her explanation for wanting to leave. She knew that he didn't want her to leave, but she truly couldn't believe how hard he was trying to talk her into staying. "Aaron, what difference does it make? If I quit the BAU, it's going to be the exact same as if I go to London...I won't be working with you, I probably won't see you."

"Emily, I don't know what difference it makes but it does make a difference. Even if you stayed here and never spoke to me again, it would still be better than you going to London." He knew he wasn't making any sense, but he wasn't sure how to say what he needed to say and make it make sense.

Emily raised an eyebrow. "What does that even mean? How would me staying here and never speaking to or seeing you again be better than me going to London?"

"Because then at least you'd be here, Emily...At least there would be a chance of us running into each other. At least you wouldn't be leaving..." He tried to explain it, but he knew that what he was saying still didn't make too much sense. He knew that he was still confusing her.

The brunette sat up slightly, looking at Hotch for a few seconds before speaking again. "Aaron, why do you care so much? Why don't you watch me to leave?" She questioned, this time being the one that was trying to understand. She didn't quite get what her boss was getting at. She didn't quite understand why he was fighting her so hard when this was what she wanted.

Hotch took a deep breath, knowing that he was about to say something that he could never take back, something that would either keep Emily here or send her running for the hills even quicker. "Because I'm selfish. Because I need you here. Because I'm in love with you."


End file.
